Sayings of Chairman Mike 4

A comment under Mike and Darren Unplugged ep.9

“please run for president we need you”

One of my daughters once said I would make a good king, and we laughed because she knows I hate politics and cannot think of a less desirable job than sorting out other people's problems. I have enough problems of my own. However, your point struck a nerve in me, so I have decided to run for President in 2024.

I am going to run on the Surrealist Party ticket, and I hope to get Dr. Staloff as my veep. We will recreate the consensus about American politics that has been missing for a century or more.

My campaign slogan will be unifying: "Mike Sugrue for President: No Worse Than the Rest". 

My supporters will like my candor, my critics will be met with the retort, "He's no worse than the rest of them", and the fair-minded among them will concede, "Well, you're right about that". We can revive the center of American politics in this way.

Dr. Staloff will also be a powerhouse campaigner. His campaign slogan, parallel to my own will be:

"WTF Did You Expect? Biden/Trump 2024: Better Than We Deserve"

I am not going to raise campaign funds. 

Pro bono, I just want the American people to demand of the Democratic and Republican  nominees  a videorecorded unedited 8 hours of Socratic discussion with me, and I guarantee that we will all truly meet the candidates then. Having these clowns debate each other is like watching a boxing match between grandmothers. They cannot box, talk or think and the spectacle is pathetic and repulsive and stupid. 

Kamela Harris is the Democratic Sarah Palin, not nearly ready for prime time and probably never will be. Uncle Joe was always a tad simple and like his son Hunter and the rest of his family, he is as crooked as a bucket of eels. Mr. Trump, the soon to be jailbird, known primarily as a liar and a skirt chaser, is the least qualified presidential candidate since the last time he ran and before that, Andrew Johnson. Anybody who is willing to serve as his running mate should stop and ask themselves if power is worth forsaking all self respect. Anybody who answers yes is prima facie unfit for high office and eight hours of questioning by me on videotape will deliver to them the gift of consignment to political oblivion. If anyone of the Republicans is tempted, have them read some Roman history, imagining Sulla as Cataline's vp. 

If the American public demanded that the President and VP nominees answered my questions on unedited videotape, for eight hours on four consecutive Saturdays starting six weeks from election day, if people could actually see who these jokers are without the cosmetics and handlers and soundbites, they would only get the votes of people as hopelessly corrupt as they are. If this were to happen, I believe that the American electorate would be so appalled by the quality of our leadership that they might seriously wonder if the Surrealist Party is the best alternative or if the Surrealists already had won and surrealistically hadn't told anybody.